Things Not to Say to a Cancer Patient...

I try to be gracious and understanding to everyone because I know cancer is an uncomfortable topic for most people and it can be hard to know what to say... but I'd also like to get a few things off my chest.

In response to some of the things I have heard over the last year:

1. I know someone who had that cancer and they're fine (or they died).
Great. Did you know that cancer affects everyone differently? Please do not lump me in with every cancer patient you've ever heard of. I am not them. My cancer is not theirs.

2. There's a cure for cancer - they just won't give it out because the pharmaceutical companies make too much money off of treatment.
Gee thanks. While I am hanging onto my life by a thread, you think that there's some magical cure that's being held over my head that I can't have. Let's see how you would feel if I said that to you in the same situation.

3. Treating cancer makes it worse than leaving it alone.
Are you an oncologist? If not, please keep this opinion to yourself. This relates back to #1. Just because you know someone who had treatment, surgery, etc. and their cancer got worse, came back, etc. does not mean mine will. I have a team of specialists who know and understand what my options are and I would prefer to make my decisions with them. Thanks.

4. Did your transplant work?
Yes it worked. If it did not, I would be dead. That does not mean that I am all better now. I have not had a whole host of complications and may continue to have complications for the rest of my life and the cancer could always come back again.

5. But you don't have cancer anymore.
Not exactly. I am in remission. I have had what seems (so far) to be a successful round of treatments. This does not mean that I will not be looking over my shoulder for the next year, 2 years, 5 years... It does not mean that I am 'all better now, and it doesn't matter how long the doctors give as a guideline. Once you have had cancer you will be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life.

Please understand that I am not trying to offend anyone by this, only to make a point that you should always consider what you are saying and who your audience is before it is said. I have been so overwhelmed by the love and support I have received from friends, family and total strangers over the last 11 months and I couldn't have made it this far without knowing how many people care. Thank you all so much.