Brandy-1, Cancer-0

Monday morning, after my weekend pass, I returned to the hospital as instructed.  A couple hours after arriving, they had the results of my bloodwork and were very happy with what they saw.  My doctors decided that my counts had come up enough that it was time to do another bone marrow aspiration to check my progress.  Kendall was with me this time to hold my hand while they dug needles into my bones.  I think I hurt his hand but he'll never admit it.

After the bone marrow aspiration I got the all clear to go home.  I won't have any results until my follow up appointment next week, but my counts are up enough that I am allowed back into the world!  So here I sit at home waiting for round 2 to start.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Friday morning I got great news from my doctor.  My counts were looking great.  Up from earlier in the week and ahead of schedule.  The average person's counts are up at day 28... Sounds like a challenge to me... Mine were up at day 22!

With my counts looking good and not having any fever for a few days, they decided to give me the best birthday present I could have asked for.  I got to go home for the weekend!

After waiting what seemed like forever for them to get my medications together for me to take home, I was able to leave the hospital around 3:00 Saturday afternoon.  As I walked through my house, things looked different.  Everything was bigger, more open and brighter than I remembered.  It's amazing what spending 3 weeks in a 10x10 room will do to your preception of the outside world.  I sat down on the living room floor and waitied for Kendall to get Sydney out of her crate and take her outside for a pee.  As soon as she got to the side door she knew something was different.  She was excited and sniffing around - She hadn't forgotten about her mommy!  After a quick trip outside with Kendall, Sydney came running into the living room to see me.  She ran right into my arms, gave me all kinds of kisses and curled up in my lap to cuddle like no time had passed.  I don't remember when I've been that happy.

A little while later I went upstairs to grab a sweatshirt and experienced my only minor setback of the weekend - a little slip down the stairs.  Good thing they sent me home with painkillers.  The rest of the weekend I was a little more careful and let people take care of me.  I guess hanging out in a hospital bed for 3 weeks takes a toll on one's leg muscles.  Lesson learned.

The rest of my evening was spent eating grown up food (I've been eating a lot of Kraft Dinner and Chef Boyardee in the hospital) and cuddling on the couch with my man and my puppy watching movies on my 42" TV (a big upgrade from laying in a hospital bed watching my 9" TV).

On my birthday, I woke up in my own bed next to the man I love and had a lazy morning cuddling with my puppy.  I had GOOD coffee and my mom, grandpa and sisters came over to make me pancakes (with birthday candles) and bacon for breakfast.  I spent the whole day relaxing at home with family which may not sound all that exciting, but was the best birthday ever!

I'm back at the hospital now.  My vitals are all good and I'm sure I'll find out later today about my blood counts.  Hopefully I'll only be in here a few more days before this first chapter of my fight is behind me and I can go home and rest up for the next round.

My advice to all of you healthy people out there... Don't take the little things for granted.  You may not see how wonderful some of the most minute details in your daily life are until you can't enjoy them every day.  Savour each sip of good coffee with the sun streaming in your window.  Drink in every second of cuddles with loved ones (furry or otherwise).  You don't know how much you'll miss it when it's taken away from you.

Bald

Thursday morning...

Hair today... Gone tomorrow

Sunday Morning

Sunday Evening

Tuesday Morning

It's been a pretty quiet week, which is nice.  Not much excitement and lots of time to read.

The good news - My blood counts seem to be coming back up and my doctor said this morning "May be recovering next week"

The bad news - The unfortunate side effects of chemo are showing up.  My mouth has been really sore.  It hurts to eat and brushing my teeth is excruciating. As of this morning, my hair has started to fall out.  This is something that I thought I was prepared for... As it turns out, I don't think you can really prepare for pulling out handfuls of hair.

Happy Valentines Day

Well... I started my morning by getting a gift straight from the heart.  A blood transfusion!  Or, in the spirit of grey goose martinis and bellinis... a bloody mary?

My wonderful boyfriend showed me tonight that you can, in fact, celebrate Valentines Day anywhere.  I was surprised with a steak dinner from The Keg and chocolate covered strawberries.

Still feeling good overall... And I've had lots of valentines (and a cake - thanks Mommy) to keep me smiling!

Bellinis & Lube... ?

Wow!  What a busy weekend.  I'm still feeling good though, so it was nice to see everyone now.  I hear this coming week will be the worst, so I'll want to limit the visits.

It's incredibly dry in here which I have learned is because bacteria grows in moist environments, so they keep it as dry as possible.  This has not been good for my skin, lips or nose.  I can moisturize my skin and I go through Blistex like crazy, but there's not much you can do for the nose... So, for the last few days, I've been digging for burried treasure on a regular basis.  Yesterday, the dryness started causing nosebleeds.  My nurse offered me some 'Mucol' to help... Just something to help keep my nose less dry.

With my platelets being so low, and the nosebleeds continuing, they decided it was time for a transfusion.  So, I got hooked back up to Winston... No martinis this time, I guess it was a bellini... ?

Good News...

...I got a PICC Line yesterday!

I never thought I'd be so excited about a medical procedure.

A PICC Line (peripherally inserted central catheter) is basically my new bionic vein.  It's a latex tube inserted into a vein in my arm that goes up my arm and into my chest.  This is now a part of me for the next few months.  It's a little creepy, but it means that they don't have to stab me for blood every morning which makes me very happy.  For the most part, any drugs they give me or blood they take will all go through this and I don't have to deal with needles... This is very good news for a wimp like me!

Date Night!

Microwave popcorn... Good TV... And a cute guy!  What could be better?

Feeling tired today... Could be all of the excitement of the last few days, could be the chemo starting to knock me down, but I got lots of rest and enjoyed every minute of it.  I am still overwhelmed by all of the love and support I have received from everyone.  It makes it so much easier to take all of this knowing that I have so many people standing behind me.

Man, this hangover is going to suck...

 My Martini

 My Butler "Winston"

He serves my martinis to me.  

It was also the name of Lara Croft's butler and that chick could kick some ass.

Shaken, not stirred

Another Fun Day in My Penthouse Suite

Well... Another day has come and gone and I still feel good.  Lots more visitors, but I still haven't had the time to catch up on my Grey's Anatomy (as if I haven't seen enough of the inside of a hospital).

A test this morning confirmed I have a heart, and it does in fact beat.  It may have also given me super powers (I hope they're cancer fighting super powers) as it involved taking my blood, making it radioactive, then injecting the blood back into me.

Time to try to get some shut eye now... I may need to rest up to fight the good fight.

"The future is no place to place your better days" ~Dave Matthews

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Another day over and I still don't feel like a sick person.  While that's a good thing and helping me keep my spirits up, I know it's not going to last and that at any moment I could feel like I'm figting for my life.  But so far so good!

Tonight I took the bandage off the spot where they did the bone marrow aspiration (and by I, I mean I made my mommy do it).  It was feeling a little irritated and thought it would help to uncover it.  This is what it looked like under the bandage.  Ouch.

Anyway, another exciting day is over.  Still feeling good and having as much fun as I can.  Lots of visitors and now it's time for me to rest.  Goodnight.

Last night was difficult.  I woke up around 3am in a cold sweat scared that this was when it starts to kick my ass.  So far I've been having as much fun as I can in here, but that was a dose of reality.  Any moment now these drugs could take over and start attacking my body and I have no idea when it's going to be.

I am so thankful for my wonderful nursing staff who reassure me on a regular basis that what I'm going through is normal and can explain what I may experience and when.  My nurse told me that cold sweats are actually a symptom of the cancer, and one of the first noticable symptoms (which is often what brings people to the doctor in the first place).  I guess the good news is that I'm already here and not just starting the diagnosis process.  As reassuring as this is, reality is still starting to hit me pretty hard and I know that this is just the beginning. 

Thank you for being here to hold my hand last night Chelsea.  I love you!

Girls night in the 'Spa-spital'

Thank you Becky and Chelsea for my girls night!  Wedding shows, gelato and mani/pedis!  I couldn't have asked for a better night!  I love you both so much and wish we could have nights like this more often (but maybe not here). 

Chelsea had some very pressing medical questions for one of my nurses.  Can she paint my finger and toenails.  They said they need to have one finger available when they're checking my vitals, but to be on the safe side just to paint every other nail in case for some reason they need to use a different finger (or toe).  So, without further delay... The cancer mani/pedi:

Think it'll catch on?

No Flowers... No Problem!

Flowers and plants are not allowed in my room as they can bring in things with them that can cause infection.  This information did not stop my sisters and nephews from brightening up my room!

Today the Party Starts

I'm going on about 4 hours of sleep.  It's very bright in here at night and I don't sleep well when I'm not at home with my man and my puppy.

My parade of visitors starts around 10:00 this morning.  Becky and Tom get here first and Kendall shortly after.  Followed by Mom and Grandpa, then Dan and Amber and Aunt Sharon.  And don't forget the phone calls... I've never felt so popular in my life.  Chelsea comes later with Ben and Simon. 

What a busy day!  I'm not allowed flowers or plants in my room, so Chelsea and the kids had a little fun shopping and helped brighten up my room (pictures to come) and mom brought me Grey Goose labels for my martini (IV bag).  Man, I am not looking forward to the hangover starting in a few days, but for now I feel good and I'm having a party with my sisters tonight!

Friday, February 3 - And So It Begins

I get to the hospital shortly after 3:00 in the afternoon.  Kendall is by my side the whole time.  We find our way to the admitting desk and I hand the lady behind the glass my health card.  She says "What are you here for?" Um... Admission... Why else would I be in 'Admitting'?  So I tell her I'm here to be admitted and she asks who my doctor is.  I say I don't know.  She proceeds to pull up my information with my health card and it's amazing - you can actually pinpoint the moment she reads the word 'Oncology'.  Her face and body language change immediately.  Her tone of voice is softer and more pleasant.  She asks if this is my first time here, then comes around to hand my my chart and explain to us where to go.

Upon arriving to my floor (penthouse, by the way - nothing but the best for me) the nurses escort me to my room and I wait with Kendall for someone to arrive and tell me what is going on.

A doctor comes in along with Nurse Practitioner, Adrienne.  Adrienne will primarilly be handling my care as she is on the floor almost all of the time and the doctors will be rotating and overseeing everything.  They explain the type of Leukemia that I have (AML) and my treatment process.

I will be in the hospital for a month.

The first week I am on Chemotherapy.  Very agressive treatment as this is an agressive cancer. 

The  next three weeks I will remain in the hospital to recover from the chemo kicking my ass.  It's going to be rough and I'm going to get a lot worse before I get any better.  I am told that after the chemo and the recovery (when my blood counts come back up again) they will test my bone marrow again.  At this point 75-80% of people are in remission.  That's all we know for now and we'll cross the next bridge when we get there.

And so it begins...

Days 2 and a half - The waiting game

Thursday and Friday I patiently wait for a phone call from the hospital.  And by patiently, I mean every hour that goes by, I think "maybe I fell asleep on the couch and just imagined that call from the doctor".

Then, on Friday around 1:00 PM the phone call comes.  We have a bed ready for you.  Come on in anytime.

That's when the anxiety sets in.  This is real.

Wednesday, February 1 - D Day (diagnosis day)

8:00 AM - After 2 months and 6 'abnormal' blood tests, I am on my way to see the Hematologist.  As far as I am aware the abnormal blood tests indicate that my bone marrow is not functioning properly and the Haematologist will be able to run some more tests to find out why.  While this appointment is at the Cancer Clinic, I have been advised that there are may things that could be causing these abnormalities and although cancer is one possibility, they want to rule it out  I have been warned that the Hematologist will likely want to do a bone marrow aspiration to see more clearly what the root of the problem is.

8:20 AM - Arrive at the hospital lost and confused.  Fill out paperwork and a Cancer Society volunteer escorts me to another waiting room and hands me a buzzer (much like you receive at a restaurant while waiting for a table).  A couple minutes later a man approaches me and asks "Can I sit here?  You look as lost and alone as I am."  Of course I offer him the seat next to me and we exchange small talk and pleasantries while we wait (and wait and wait and wait).  His name is Jake.  He has had 'funny looking blood' for over 10 years.  Nothing has been wrong with him and he has no symptoms of anything other than that his blood is funny looking and he doesn't fully understand why he is here.  At least I'm not alone.  Jake gets called for blood tests and leaves me alone for a few minutes.  When he gets back he tells me that there's candy in the lab and offers to get me some.  I smile and say "thanks, but no thanks."  A few more minutes go by and I get my own shot at the candy after an unimaginable amount of blood is sucked from my arm.  And back to the waiting room.

10:30 AM - My table is ready!  Or my buzzer is going off indicating that I can go with the nurse.  She takes me to a room, records my height and weight and tells me the doctor will be in in a few minutes.

11:00 AM - I meet the doctor.  He is very nice, however maybe a little vague.  He tells me that the blood tests that they did today indicate another drop in my blood levels and says that he will be performing a bone marrow aspiration.  He says he'll have me back in about three weeks to discuss the results, then briefly explains the procedure and says he'll send a nurse in to get me prepared and he will be back to start soon.

12:00 PM - Nurse Nancy comes in to get me prepared for what's about to happen.  Shortly after, the doctor is in, I am gowned up and laying on my side on a table and he is cleaning the area of my pubic bone right above my right butt cheek.  Nurse Nancy tells me that what I smell is an alcohol swab and asks if I'd like on to suck on (gotta love the staff around here - if nothing else, everyone has a sense of humour).  The doctor starts with the first needle.  It hurts, then burns.  This is the anaesthetic.  Although you can't freeze bone, you can freeze the tissue around the bone which makes this procedure a lot less painful.  He gives me a lot.  Now its time for the fun part.  I feel a poke and some pressure but it's not as bad as I expected. A few minutes in (longer than I was told the whole procedure would take) I am told the next part is really going to hurt - and it does.  A lot.  When it's all over Nurse Nancy explains that it took longer and was more painful than expected because they had to go a lot deeper into the bone then they normally do and was about to tell me actually how deep they went, but I stopped her - there are some things I just don't need to know.  After the procedure, the doctor tells me that he doesn't want to wait three weeks, but will see me the next Wednesday and that I should be prepared to stay just in case. 

1:30 PM - I am back at home to try to process this news.  The change from 3 weeks to 1 does not sound like good news, nor does the possibility of a hospital stay.  But no point stressing about it now, I'll know more in a week.  I cuddle up with my puppy and watch some TV.  I'm sore at the site of the bone marrow aspiration and just want to relax.

5:00 PM - The phone rings.  It's the doctor I saw this afternoon.  He says he has seen the results of the bone marrow and I have Leukemia.  He doesn't want to wait until my appointment on Wednesday to start treatment.  Now I have to wait for a call from the hospital telling me that there's room at the Inn.

Let me out... I'll stomp on it!

I thought I'd start by explaining to those who may not know that I have always been known as somewhat 'feisty'.  Now when I say always maybe this story will explain...

When I was a young tot, I was out for dinner with my family at a local Chinese establishment.  I was small enough that I was in a high chair at the time.  At some point during dinner an uninvited dinner guest showed up in the form of a mouse scurrying across the restaurant floor.  While everyone else is shocked and disgusted, I looked at my family and said "Let me out... I'll stomp on it!"

And here my reputation begins.

Fast forward twenty something years and I get a phone call that changes my life.  My reaction - Let me out... I'll stomp on it!  And here the battle begins...