It's been a year today since I was diagnosed. As I reflect back it's crazy to think how much has happened in the last 365 days. A year ago today, I didn't think I'd still be here to be writing this.
Physically I can't believe what I have been through and how much I have taken on. When I look back at my blog posts over the last year I realize that I have actually blocked out some of the things I have been through. Although most of major physical pain was short term I have taken on more than I ever thought I would be able to handle. From the bone marrow aspirations to the nosebleeds, scalp pain when my hair fell out, mouth ulcers, chemo burning my arms and mouth, infections, nausea/vomiting, allergic reactions, skin problems, headaches, joint pain and now chest pain and shortness of breath. My body has taken on more than I ever thought it could.
On top of the painful physical complications I have had, there's the visual ones. It's no secret that my looks have changed significantly. And while I am of course just grateful to still be alive, it's not easy to look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize the person that you see.
Emotionally I can say I have changed a lot too. Things that I thought were important a year ago I have realized don't matter at all. I have also recognized that I need to live my life as if our time here on this earth with the people we love is limited - because it is. That's not to say I'm not still planning for the future, but I am definitely more focused on my present and what matters now and not just looking long term.
I have lost friends and gained friends. I have learned how to see who really cares and will truly be there for me when it counts. To those of you who have been loving and supporting me through this - you know who you are - thank you. I can't thank you enough. I could never have come through this with as much strength as I have without the love and support you have provided me.
They say you never know how strong you are until you have to use that strength. I can honestly say this is true. I never thought I would have been able to go through what I have in the last year, but here I am. I still have a long way to go but I'm not giving up any time soon.
